Double-posted from tumblr again. *sigh* I swear, Kiznaiver better be the only anime I’m willing to do this for.
Your pain today derives itself from the remnants of the happier times you have lost.
I need, absolutely need, people to understand that the biggest loss suffered from the Kizna experiment is not the breakage of bonds brought on by the unfathomable amount of pain that is forced on its subjects.
It is the complete loss of feeling itself.
These children, these poor, innocent, completely oblivious children, were offered up by their own parents to the experiment. They created friendships with each other, enjoyed their time with each other, loved each other all for it turn out like this where not even a handful of them are capable of thought anymore. They literally have become hollow shells of what they once were.
But they are not the ones who suffer the most.
It’s those who remember them, who still recognize them, that do. And that is why Katsuhira cries.
He knew them. He knew them all very well. And to see them in this state, to see his old friends like this while knowing too painfully that these are not his old friends, that his old friends shouldn’t be like this…it’s too much, too great a sadness to bear. It’s a sadness he shouldn’t have to bear.
And Noriko who was forced to take on all eighteen of their pain, including her own. Because of a stupid miscalculation. Because this experiment existed in the first place. She had to shoulder nineteen times the pain, both physical and sensational. She could not go on living without medication that numbs her from feeling that pain. She carried the memories of that experiment, her happy moments shared with her friends, her feelings for Katsuhira along with the pain and the burden of not being able to even feel normal pain up till the present day.
And she still went along with Kizna experiment. To possibly give back the pain to their rightful owners. So that they might be able feel again. So that all her friends might have the chance to return back to normal, to return back to living normal lives.
All the time she was saying, “Don’t worry. Katsuhira-kun will surely be able to get his pain back.” She meant “You will never have to suffer what it’s like to not feel anything. You can be normal. You can lead a normal life.”
And the reason why she reaches out to Katsuhira in particular and not the other few children who were also released is because she and Katsuhira shared a very strong bond. Love.
Love is the strongest human emotion of all. When all is lost, love will prevail.
This is her way of telling him that she still loves him. That even though her own emotions and sensations have broken her over and over again to the point where she (god forbid) can’t even distinguish them anymore, it will never erase how important Katsuhira is to her.
That’s why she wanted him to get back his pain. Katsuhira is Noriko’s hope. For the other children. For him, the person she loved. For her, who’s hanging of the dangerous edge of losing her true self forever. If he gets back his pain, then there’s hope for all of them. They can all get back their original selves. They can all truly live again.
That is why she cannot let the experiment end. That is why she is so desperate to not let it end.
“I want my friends to be able to feel happy. I want the person I love to be able to feel happy. I want all of us to be able to feel happy, like we were when we were together all those years ago.”
Now if there is anyone out there who still wants to push all the blame on Noriko, then I’m gonna fight you. Yes, Noriko has done HEAPS of wrongs left and right but she has also taken such great risks by going back down the rabbit hole to hell. And I swear if she doesn’t get even a sliver of happiness by the end of this, I will RIOT.